I've come to accept

That my level of maturity is not something of my choosing. And by maturity, I don't mean the ability to be calm or collected. I am talking about realizing that my actions now affect my future. Yes of course I realize it, I understand it. However its like I see it but my brain just refuse to process it and produce useful actions out of it. If you take a look at the time, it is about 3:30 in the morning and I am still procrastinating on my homework. However, even though it sounds like I'm not doing a good job, it is a great improvement from the days not so long ago where I didn't even bother looking at my homework. It is excruciating for me to watch, like a loading bar that moves way too slowly, however I must endure so I can finally be who I want to be and do what I want to do.

Back

Up on my feet

shot down...

once again

Maturity

So I have discovered that my maturity level does not depend on my conscious self. Instead it proceeds at a rate known only to itself. There must be some internal key to rapid development of my maturity but as I have yet to discover it, I must be content with my incompetence and try my best to work around the things I can not achieve yet.