Old and now

Just took a peek back into my past and realized that however stressful it seemed back then, it was all quite carefree. Many of us have gone on to different places and it is quite difficult to keep in touch. Many of us have changed over these couple of years. No matter who you are and where you are now, I still miss you guys.

Another new year.

However, this one has left me feeling sort of empty feeling. I'm not very sure why but i just feel like another year has gone by and I haven't really accomplished anything. Many times I just feel like I am sorta sitting life out, just observing while everyone else lives theirs.

This world

I feel like theres no place in this world for someone who is genuinely good with honest faults. This world is just too competitive, too harsh for someone of that nature. And I'm not saying that I am said person, just that its the kind of person I am trying to be. However, I feel like I'm halfway there and the view on this world is just increasingly bleak.
It may just be the mood that I'm in right now, but I just needed to get this off my chest.

Ever thought?

That maybe you weren't cut out for this? That maybe this isn't what you were meant to do? That maybe you could be better at something else?

Yea I think that. Then I laugh and say I can do whatever I want to.

Massage

So I went and got an actual massage by an actual masseuse yesterday and it was amazing. Although I feel like the spa should have had a sign saying: Side affects of massage may include sleepiness, drooling, lack of will to move, and extreme comfort.

On the other hand, final exams are coming up and I need to do relatively well on all of them to have a moderately/slightly/oknotreally respectable GPA.

I've come to accept

That my level of maturity is not something of my choosing. And by maturity, I don't mean the ability to be calm or collected. I am talking about realizing that my actions now affect my future. Yes of course I realize it, I understand it. However its like I see it but my brain just refuse to process it and produce useful actions out of it. If you take a look at the time, it is about 3:30 in the morning and I am still procrastinating on my homework. However, even though it sounds like I'm not doing a good job, it is a great improvement from the days not so long ago where I didn't even bother looking at my homework. It is excruciating for me to watch, like a loading bar that moves way too slowly, however I must endure so I can finally be who I want to be and do what I want to do.

Back

Up on my feet